There’ll come a time when you hear it and you’ll wonder “Where in the world have I been?”

Have you ever thought you knew something only to find out you had no idea what it was really like? I’ve had so many of those in this last year.

Just over a year ago I started my transition in proper. I claimed my name, I started seeing a counselor, and begun my road towards being myself. Each day I’ve been more and more sure of how right my decision has been. If it even was one really.

Coming out as poly has been a similar experience, and my two wonderful, loving partners are the best things to happen in my life.

I’ve been exploring my return to spirituality, letting go of the anger and ignorance of my atheist days much like i let go of the hurt and ignorance of my Christian days. I believe in magic. Not just the great game my girlfriend and I bonded over, but in something greater than just us. I don’t know that I believe it’s beyond human. In fact I believe it comes from inside us, in the words, the music, the art, the science we create. This is my magic, my runes, my spells. And I’ve adopted the title of witch because of the historical context relating to trans womanhood. I’m young in this but eager to learn more.

But the point of this post is to talk to something else. All my life I thought I knew what a home was. My life with family, with partners, with friends. It turns out I had no idea. Much like being a woman trying to be a man, I thought I was home when I was really a stranger.

I spent the last 9 days in Las Vegas with my star, my princess, my love. I called her Peace at the post about 2015 in review. It has been a truly amazing experience. In those 9 days I experienced great joys and love. In those 9 days I never once questioned my womanhood. I never deadnamed myself. I had no doubts about who I am and how I feel. I was with people who love me and I love. I found my home.

Months ago I mailed a symbol of my love, of my heart to my love Peace. I have a personal story of how I heal my heart from being broken, wearing it on a chain. I sent my chain to Peace, knowing full well I already had given her my heart. These past 9 days I was united with my love, and reunited with my heart. And in that time, my heart had come to know where I belong. I felt only right in Las Vegas in a way I’ve never truly felt in Kansas.

The coming months will be hard. I’m attempting to return for more trips, with plans to move and be together with both my loves. I cannot wait for that day.

I fought back tears in the airport, just minutes after watching my love drive away. On the flight (where I’m writing this) I finally broke down and cried, climbing higher and higher as I watched my home shrink into the distance. Once again I’m a displaced soul, who’s heart resides miles and miles away, going to a place of some loving friends and family, but mostly a false family who don’t support or recognize their love is not unconditional. I will miss people I love when I leave, but I will not miss a home, for I have never had one. “Home is where the heart is.” My heart, my home, is with Peace, in Las Vegas.

Knowing nothing in life but to be legit. Don’t quote me boy, cause I ain’t said shit.

What makes a woman a woman?  I think we can all agree it’s not what’s between her legs.  Not even a little really.  People who obsessively think that’s what makes you a woman are a serious problem, and they’re the ones who keep all women, cis and trans, oppressed.

So if it’s not that, then what?  Is it the “feminine” look?  This gets more to a social acceptance.  Trans women have to work towards being “passable” by most people’s standards to be accepted.  Masculine women deal with being called butch and lesbian.  Sure it’s okay to be a feminine woman, but does this make a woman a woman?

Attraction to men isn’t something worth even implying anymore.  Who you are attracted to has nothing to do with being a man or a woman.

So the question becomes what makes someone a woman?  Well what I keep coming back to is man and woman are mostly mental and social constructs.  This doesn’t make them bad things, not at all.  If they were, I wouldn’t feel such affinity towards one side or the other.  But I’ve known most my life my body is wrong for my gender.  My understanding of myself is that I am a woman, mentally, and socially I want to be viewed as myself.  Does that make me a legitimate woman?

I hope so, because I don’t really know any other way to show my legitimacy.  What do you think make a woman a woman?