Now I can feel your pulse, kick starting this lifeless soul. Like a lightning bolt to heart, you woke me up.

I honestly thought the last post would be my final blog post of 2015, but some how it isn’t.  Something magical happened yesterday.  The person I referred to as Peace last post received my gift.  She said she was moved by it, and I believe we’re moving in a direction now of mutually desired things.

There is not more clear, direct way I can put this.  I’m in love with this woman.  She makes me smile just with simple words. I don’t feel like I need to be careful around her. I don’t feel like I have to mince words, to offer platitudes, to do anything special.  Just talking with her, just getting to know her, I feel good, calm, happy.

I feel connected with her.  Like knowing her was always a thing that had to happen.  Every day it feels like I learn some new way we’re alike.  Just little things like the fact we both related heavily to a character from a show.  I didn’t even know she had seen it, but it added an extra, unplanned, unexpected touch to something in her gift.

As 2015 comes to a close, I am honestly hopeful for what 2016 can bring. I step into the new year as only myself.  I am an out, proud transgender woman.  I am a polyamorous, mostly gay woman who’s in love with a fellow, amazing woman, and a few others things are progressing with.  I have accepted my mental illness, and want to put more work into managing it in the coming year.  I’m learning to love my body as it is, and change things I can and want to.  I have ideas of what I want, and I hope to seek them out clearly in the coming future.

So I guess at this point I’ll list some resolutions and wrap up 2015, alone in location, but not in my heart.

  • To love Peace openly, honestly and with everything I have for her.
  • To love others as they move deeper in my heart.
  • To love my friends/family more, and be there when I can.
  • To take better care of myself, mentally and physically.
  • To return to making art, something that makes me happy.
  • To be more vocal, and call out cissexism more, even when at cost.
  • To learn to love myself, because I am beautiful and deserve it.
  • To find the ability to stand on my own where I can.

Thank you everyone, for making 2015 the greatest year of my life.  Rachel was reborn and I cannot wait to see what 2016 brings.

I love you all so much.  Especially you, Peace.

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