I honestly thought the last post would be my final blog post of 2015, but some how it isn’t. Something magical happened yesterday. The person I referred to as Peace last post received my gift. She said she was moved by it, and I believe we’re moving in a direction now of mutually desired things.
There is not more clear, direct way I can put this. I’m in love with this woman. She makes me smile just with simple words. I don’t feel like I need to be careful around her. I don’t feel like I have to mince words, to offer platitudes, to do anything special. Just talking with her, just getting to know her, I feel good, calm, happy.
I feel connected with her. Like knowing her was always a thing that had to happen. Every day it feels like I learn some new way we’re alike. Just little things like the fact we both related heavily to a character from a show. I didn’t even know she had seen it, but it added an extra, unplanned, unexpected touch to something in her gift.
As 2015 comes to a close, I am honestly hopeful for what 2016 can bring. I step into the new year as only myself. I am an out, proud transgender woman. I am a polyamorous, mostly gay woman who’s in love with a fellow, amazing woman, and a few others things are progressing with. I have accepted my mental illness, and want to put more work into managing it in the coming year. I’m learning to love my body as it is, and change things I can and want to. I have ideas of what I want, and I hope to seek them out clearly in the coming future.
So I guess at this point I’ll list some resolutions and wrap up 2015, alone in location, but not in my heart.
- To love Peace openly, honestly and with everything I have for her.
- To love others as they move deeper in my heart.
- To love my friends/family more, and be there when I can.
- To take better care of myself, mentally and physically.
- To return to making art, something that makes me happy.
- To be more vocal, and call out cissexism more, even when at cost.
- To learn to love myself, because I am beautiful and deserve it.
- To find the ability to stand on my own where I can.
Thank you everyone, for making 2015 the greatest year of my life. Rachel was reborn and I cannot wait to see what 2016 brings.
I love you all so much. Especially you, Peace.