It feels just like I’m falling for the first time.

I’m one of those people that the day isn’t the 24(ish) hour spin of the globe in place.  For me the day is the time between when I wake and when I go to sleep.  So for me, yesterday lasted about 30 hours.  And a lot happens in 30 hours.

It started with me waking up in the evening, as is normal to me when I’m not forced to a different schedule.  The night was pretty normal, watching youtube, and relaxing.  But the morning brought a much busier day.

It started while still watching youtube.  A comedy group I really love have been uploading their older catalog to their youtube page.  And that morning’s sketch was from 2011.  And upon watching it, I was shocked and hurt.  This group, who I watch a majority of their work and are usually extremely inclusive, had produced a video filled with transphobic language and a completely transmisogynistic premise.  I was appalled.  I took the the comments to speak out.  I was, of course, met with cries to stop being so sensitive, it’s not offensive, and other methods cis people use to silence trans people for trying to get basic respect.  I did not stop there, I took to twitter and tweeted at the makers of this video.  Within an hour, all the members who were in the video had apologized to me directly, and the lead member had made a public apology, admitted to the fact it’s offensive and added a content warning to the video’s description.  Someone else suggested a title card warning, and while I agree that would be better, there has been change, and I’ve no doubt the group is much better educated about how those words hurt people.  I can honestly say I made a change in a small part of the world.

The next thing that happened will be saved for the end, but know that it’s what actually kept me awake.  I had a concert to see in the evening, and since I wasn’t getting any sleep, I went to get my hormones refilled.  And the lady at the pharmacy told me I looked really pretty.  I fought back tears as it would have ruined my makeup.  But it made me feel so great going on top of what had gone on before.  And it made me feel great about how I looked for the night.

The concert was the band Chvrches, and it was absolutely amazing! The band performed all their hits and a fair bit of the new album as well.  They owned that audience, and even in a cramped theater, everyone was moving along to the music.  I was also dressed cute!  This was my first real social experience out as me!  It was so great to get out and be me, and to do something so great.  By the end of it was I was so energized I didn’t even mind my friends and I stopped to eat on the way back.  Not long after I got done I was asleep though.

But by far, the best part of the day, without any doubt, is that I clarified how I feel to a special someone.  I told her how I felt, how it was more than just some light thing, and I wanted her to know how special she is to me.  There was a lot of mutual happy crying, and I’m very hopeful that maybe soon, when she’s ready, we might be able to try at something more.  But only when she’s ready and if she wants to.  I respect and care so much for her.  I hope someday to show her how it feels to be loved by someone who understands her so well.  Once that happened, there was no sleep for Rachel.  But it was so worth it.  All in all, it was the best day I’ve had in such a long time.  Longer than I can remember.

To her: I love you, for all that you are, and think you’re one of the most beautiful souls I’ve ever had the wonderful pleasure to know.

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