Sorry for the long absence. I’ve been dealing with a handful of issues recently. Time constraints have been a big one. I’ve started a new position at work, and am working double the hours I was before. Between that and school I no longer have a single day off where I can do nothing but relax. And it looks like it will be this way going forward for at least the next month. So that’s one thing that’s gotten in the way of my updating regularly. What little time I have after those things is spent trying to relax.
The other big thing that’s been getting in the way of my updating has been a big bout of dysphoria and depression. It was really bad for a couple weeks, where I couldn’t do much beyond working. I’ve dealt with these things most of my life, but this is my first real incident since starting hormones. I knew it wouldn’t just make all that stuff go away, but it was a blow to hit that wall again, especially after the initial high. But it’s lessening, and things are moving forward for me.
Speaking of moving forward, the first noticeable physical changes have started. A few days ago a good friend (who I’m out to) said my breasts are getting bigger. That night I looked at my bra (a basic sports style bra are all I currently wear) and lo and behold, there was a small space between the skin and my bra in the center. It’s not cleavage yet, but until now they laid flat against my body. This has been a wonderful change, and I cannot wait for more. My nipples are also super sensitive.
The other noticeable change has been in my face. I’ve had trouble looking in the mirror the last month. My face can trigger dysphoria pretty quickly, so when I needed to do things like brush my hair, or check my shaving, I’ve had to focus entirely upon those areas of my head and try not to see it as a whole. So with that in mind, I’ve not really taken in my face for a bit. A couple days ago I looked in a mirror as I was passing and I noticed there’s a change in my face. Mostly my jaw is looking thinner. This marks the beginning of fat migration. I cannot wait to see more and more as I become my true self outside as well. Though my face is still triggering for now.
My good friend is also going to teach me some make up stuff soon. I really want to find a place I can be myself soon. I’m planning to try to go to my game group soon presenting as myself. I’m out to everyone there, but I don’t think most of them really understand yet. Or at least on in particular, and it will be interesting. Either way I’m going to be myself some day, might as well find a safe place to start.