This won’t be a particularly interesting or happy posts. Feel free to skip it.
Loneliness is a serious issue for me lately. All of my friends feel farther and farther away. The people I see regularly I’m not out to, which is hard. The friends I see that I have come out to all misgender me. I don’t have the energy to start the long process of correcting them yet. I fear the potential of losing my job coming out at work. I fear the potential of losing my family.
I’ve been trying to get my head into a space where I can accept not speaking to a specific person again. A couple months ago I met a wonderful trans woman. We met and hung out and had a ton in common. It took a bit, but things seemed to be going very well. But then she became distant, and she started having a lot of personal issues. Communication became very sparse. Then I made a mistake and tried to spur some conversation, but did so in a not good way. That was a few days ago. I sent an apology, but haven’t heard anything back yet. I don’t know that I will either. She was awesome to me and very supportive and gave me a lot of wonderful advice on how to move forward and things to be aware of with transition. And once again I managed to fuck things up.
I’m going to a shitty school. I’m working a lot and barely making any money for some very important bills that I cannot miss without possibly ruining my life. I can’t keep any new friends, and the old ones won’t see the real me for a very long time. I just want to run away right now. Anybody have a place I can run away and move in with?