Over thinking, over analyzing, separates the body from the mind.

This won’t be a particularly interesting or happy posts.  Feel free to skip it.

Loneliness is a serious issue for me lately.  All of my friends feel farther and farther away.  The people I see regularly I’m not out to, which is hard.  The friends I see that I have come out to all misgender me.  I don’t have the energy to start the long process of correcting them yet.  I fear the potential of losing my job coming out at work.  I fear the potential of losing my family.

I’ve been trying to get my head into a space where I can accept not speaking to a specific person again.  A couple months ago I met a wonderful trans woman.  We met and hung out and had a ton in common.  It took a bit, but things seemed to be going very well.  But then she became distant, and she started having a lot of personal issues.  Communication became very sparse.  Then I made a mistake and tried to spur some conversation, but did so in a not good way.  That was a few days ago.  I sent an apology, but haven’t heard anything back yet.  I don’t know that I will either.  She was awesome to me and very supportive and gave me a lot of wonderful advice on how to move forward and things to be aware of with transition.  And once again I managed to fuck things up.

I’m going to a shitty school. I’m working a lot and barely making any money for some very important bills that I cannot miss without possibly ruining my life.  I can’t keep any new friends, and the old ones won’t see the real me for a very long time.  I just want to run away right now.  Anybody have a place I can run away and move in with?

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