Me and the sandman have been on non-speaking terms for a bit now. I’m not suffering from insomnia, just having some issues with sleep lately. Many nights I’m getting 3 or less hours of sleep. Some nights it’s one. But then other nights I’ll get 12 or more hours, even when I set alarms. It’s frustrating, but I think the long nights mostly come after several days of not getting much sleep. The rotating schedule of work isn’t helping. And it’s looking to get worse with start times ranging from 3am to 9am. Fun for me.
Speaking of sleep, my bed is my refuge. My tiny room is my only safe space to be myself right now, and I lack a desk or chair or anything else, so I currently have a bed and a lap desk from which I type this post. But in my bed I can wear what I want, feel my freshly shaved legs, read about others like me, and talk to those who are willing. It’s my fortress and my cloud. I love lying in my bed when I want to relax.
But that bed has a down side. It’s easy to get lost in whatever while I sit on my computer and watch tv or play games. I need to make better use of my space. I want a desk, somewhere I can set my computer to work and focus, to step out of the wonderful comfort of my bed. I won’t have another space for a while to make my own, but I can do better with what I have right now.
But my wonderful bed has been great to me, and while sleep and I haven’t been on speaking terms, we’ve passed notes back and forth since I started transition. It was really bad a few months ago, with almost every night being under 3 hours, and then a 14+ hour. So it’s getting better at least.
For now I struggle to keep my eyes open, so I’ll sign off from my soft and comfy bed. Good night.