I know what it feels like, Come on make me feel alive.

*warning: This post contains discussion of masturbation*

I am now 3 days into HRT.  There have definitely been some things I’ve noticed changing.  Day 1 I felt like my head started to clear.  That might be purely psychosomatic, but does that matter?  Day 2 I noticed the biggest and most easy to notice change which I will talk about in a minute.

Day 3 I’ve noticed I feel hotter.  Like physically I’ve felt warmer a lot, and sometimes a bit colder.  I also noticed smells seemed stronger.  I’m also feeling less aggressive.  Traffic was really bad today, but instead of getting really mad and it bugging me for an hour after, it aggravated me, but then mostly was gone after I swore.  I felt more at ease complimenting a female friend on her new hair and matching nails too.

My head feels clearer.  I find I can focus much more on the things I’m doing and enjoy them.  I smiled much more at work than I have ever before.  I had a date planned that had to be postponed.  That would have upset me a lot before, but now it bummed me out, but I also understand why.  I feel more connected to myself.

The biggest change though has definitely been in the area of sexual urges.  A week ago, I would get depressed and lose hours looking at porn and masturbating.  This is just a fact.  I felt so out of control, I would do it as a way to past time.  I might start browsing a bit and then realize 3 hours had passed.  It was the easiest way to make myself lose large amounts of time, and had the benefit of physical pleasure.  But honestly it wasn’t making me happy, and I really did feel like I was lacking control.

Now I am still very early in transition, but I have definitely noticed the difference.  I can still get an erection, and I have masturbated, but it takes a little more thought and work.  And when I do it’s a much shorter experience.  But even more than that, I don’t feel out of control anymore.  I feel like I can do that when I feel like I want some relief, but that’s it.  It feels really good to feel like I have control and that I can focus again on the things  I want.

I’m also feeling more tired I think, but that could be that I still don’t get much sleep many nights.  I really feel the steps.  I cannot wait to start feeling more of the physical effects.  I’m really starting to feel alive again.

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